Sunday, February 13, 2011

Wrestling with God

This past few months I have been wrestling with God, wondering what He has in His plans for me.  I have been feeling a "wrestling" into a ministry I do not want!  I have been praying for God to relieve me of this "wrestling" like Paul did with the thorn in his side...yet I feel that this is something that I am to do for His glory.

I talked to James on the way home today and told him of this "wrestling" with God...the "I don't wanna" syndrome...the little kid in the corner that throws a fit because dad wants a child to do something.  I have told James time and again that this IS NOT what I want to do!  Give me this or give me that Lord...but don't make me do this!  Yet, even today, I felt this "wrestling" in my spirit.  

My heart has been tender and open lately between the two studies I am doing, my daily reading and the pastor's sermons....the time is right for me to do this...yet my head still rebels with the idea for I am not strong in this ministry!  As a matter of fact it SCARES me to death!  How many times have we heard "God doesn't care for your comfort, He cares about your character"?  Well, this is NOT my a matter of fact the total opposite!

So what did Paul say?  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Cor 12:9b)

Lord, give me peace on this decision, for it it through Your power and grace that this ministry will become my passion.  I will pick up my cross and follow You, letting Your strength carry me through this mission field that you have laid before me.  And I pray this in the name of your son Jesus.   Amen.

PS.  Several verses came to mind today as I pondered/prayed over this ministry....

In His grace,