This past few months I have been wrestling with God, wondering what He has in His plans for me. I have been feeling a "wrestling" into a ministry I do not want! I have been praying for God to relieve me of this "wrestling" like Paul did with the thorn in his side...yet I feel that this is something that I am to do for His glory.
I talked to James on the way home today and told him of this "wrestling" with God...the "I don't wanna" syndrome...the little kid in the corner that throws a fit because dad wants a child to do something. I have told James time and again that this IS NOT what I want to do! Give me this or give me that Lord...but don't make me do this! Yet, even today, I felt this "wrestling" in my spirit.
My heart has been tender and open lately between the two studies I am doing, my daily reading and the pastor's sermons....the time is right for me to do this...yet my head still rebels with the idea for I am not strong in this ministry! As a matter of fact it SCARES me to death! How many times have we heard "God doesn't care for your comfort, He cares about your character"? Well, this is NOT my comfort...as a matter of fact the total opposite!
So what did Paul say? Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Cor 12:9b)
Lord, give me peace on this decision, for it it through Your power and grace that this ministry will become my passion. I will pick up my cross and follow You, letting Your strength carry me through this mission field that you have laid before me. And I pray this in the name of your son Jesus. Amen.
PS. Several verses came to mind today as I pondered/prayed over this ministry....
In His grace,